by aramatzne@gmail.com | 25 Feb 2016 | Musing, Roads Taken

I drove north and east from Thunder Bay, across the rest of Ontario, 500 miles, before stopping for the night just short of the Quebec border. It was a long road; the cat and I were tired. Driving from Winnipeg the other day he sat in my lap and in the back watching things go by but today he hid and, by the end, we were both desperate for a little more space and to stop the motion – 10 hours was enough.
I pulled onto a logging road with a sign that said “24 Hour log haul in progress”. Though I don’t see what progress there is in clear cutting. I tucked in next to a skidder with the intent of staying out of the way, popped up, and moved in for the night. The high for the day: -14ºF (-26ºC).
The sky was dark and the stars were fabulous. There was a little bit of moon, not the intense, dark-sky stars but still a beautiful showing. The snow was crunchy underfoot and the hairs in my nose froze. That always tells me how cold it is.
I awoke at 2am, suddenly and for no apparent reason. I went out into the night to pee, enjoy the stars, and appreciate the cozy nest of my camper, heater, and bed. It took me a while to settle again. I had the blankets over my head, the tip of my nose sticking out just enough to breathe the cold air, when I heard this loud, rumbling, Whoooosh. Then silence. It confused me. My head was awake enough to know this was not a sound I had heard before; it raced to compartmentalize it. Plane? No. Truck? No. UFO? Yeah, right. Then I realized the 24-hour log haul had begun. The deep snow and the thick forest surrounding me engulfed the sound of the trucks until they were just even with me and then swallowed them and their noise whole again as they sped past. For the rest of the night every 20-30 minutes another truck went by.

A mountain of timber dwarfs trucks.
Coming across Ontario is a study in lakes and spruce bogs. The Canadian Shield that is the bedrock of the province does not allow much to pass through or grow up. The towns are discreet with a start and an end and a few random houses and gas stations scattered throughout. Slowly as you move east the forest becomes more dense and more determined in its growth. With this, of course, comes an increase in logging activity and the clear cuts become more noticeable along the road.
In my mind, we are slowly dismantling the earth. We consume resources far beyond their capacity to regenerate – and not all resources can or do regenerate. Even those of us who regularly ground ourselves in the wild are not always connected to our actions.
Is buying organic and remembering your reusable grocery bag enough? Is buying a more gas efficient car enough? How many devices are plugged in? How many plugs are plugged in but not actually connected to anything? What materials do we choose for our clothing? Is there lawn to mow?
This disconnect is not new. We have willful blindness toward the things that we want even if they don’t fit our idea of what is sound. I drive across the country with my home on my truck and my gas mileage dipping into the range of a 1970s F250. Still, I drive on.
What will change this consumption? An increasing number of endangered and extinct species has not convinced us. Super storms, drought, and record heat have not convinced us.
The 24-hour log haul continues. For how long?
Last one out please turn off the lights.

Early morning light along the 24-hour haul road.
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by aramatzne@gmail.com | 7 Feb 2016 | Musing, Roads Taken

Once again:
It’s not the years, it’s the miles.
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by aramatzne@gmail.com | 22 Jan 2016 | Musing
Now, I am irreverent. I love this. In all the ways that one can mature, this is probably the only one that truly appeals to me. It means that your insightful comments about the world are no longer dismissed as childish ignorance, teenage angst, or twenty-something entitlement.
No. Now, it means that you have taken a broader view of the world, its experiences, and its offerings, added your own musings, perspectives, and thoughtful humor and synthesized it into a meaningful take on all that is. It seems the intuitive recognition, and the willingness to express it, of so many things that are not quite right with the world but are no longer questioned would offer a position of power to those who possess this skill. Alas, no. The status quo holds.
Let’s change that.
I start here with a photo I am titling “Product Misplacement.”

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by aramatzne@gmail.com | 15 Jan 2016 | Musing
The papers are signed. The house is empty. The truck is full. Big Cat and I are finally ready for the road. Well, I’m ready for the road; he is not yet convinced.
Big Cat and I are moving into the camper and going walkabout (yes, I know we will be in the truck, but “driveabout” doesn’t have the same ring). After a little camper prep we will be living on the road for the foreseeable future.


I have a few destinations in mind – first to the East Coast to visit long lost friends and family. Then, back to the West. There is so much to see and explore; so much I haven’t discovered yet.
I plan to write and take photographs along the way. I hope you’ll join me whenever you can – both physically on the road if you have the inclination to spend a few days on Tamara Time (a little bit like Island Time on speed; it’s always an adventure) and virtually via the web.
Find me here:
https://www.facebook.com/RoadNotTakenEnough/
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by aramatzne@gmail.com | 12 Jan 2016 | Musing

The couch left first, about a month ago. My bed went next. A week after that, the kitchen table and chairs walked away. Unworn clothes, unwanted gifts, and unused kitchenware, old books, plants, and appliances have all gone. Things I have dragged around for thirty years; same box, new place. Things that I never liked, things I felt obligated to hold onto. No more. They are all gone.
Assembling a life is often an unconscious thing. Pieces come together a little at a time, each with some emotional tie. The slow accumulation is almost unnoticed, a new job here, a new chair there, a blender, an end table, a relationship, occasionally mixed with a toy, say a bike or skis, a bigger house, more rooms to hold more stuff.
So often we come into our adult self in the form of an unconscious, slowly accumulated, life. We are pieces of our childhood and our schooling, our learned behaviors and inherited objects glued together with time, maybe with love. We do not always see that these things formed us but we do not have to be them alone. We can choose what to keep, what to give away, and what to change. This requires first taking apart the pieces.
Disassembling the life I have accumulated has been almost an act of joy. Removing the physical objects has been emotionally cathartic. Yes, it has been difficult to choose what stays and what goes. Yes, I have mixed feelings about many things I have given away. Yes, there may be some regret down the road. Regardless, I feel like a house that has been gutted in preparation for a complete remodel. The 1950s asbestos tile? Gone. The 70s shag rug? Oh, so gone. The 80s avocado-colored refrigerator? Yup, junked. The bad 90s couch? Toast.
It is my turn to be refurbished, to build an all-new interior. I will start with an open floor plan so there are no walls, new windows for lots of light and beautiful views, and new floors for a solid grounding. Nothing that is not beautiful, functional, and joyful can enter this new space. The exterior may look a little worn but there is a new life being assembled inside, this time with careful thought.
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by aramatzne@gmail.com | 23 Dec 2015 | Musing

In 1997 I moved from western Massachusetts to Maine. Several people asked me, “Are you going to get a gun?” I laughed. I thought this was an odd question.
When I left Maine to work in Alaska, many people told me, “You better get a gun.” I guess Alaska is a scary place relative to Maine.
After that summer in Alaska, I spent the winter in Utah. I went back to Alaska the next summer and then worked in Wyoming the following winter. I moved to Montana. Each step along the way, people said the same thing, “ You better start packin’.”
I left Montana and moved to eastern Washington State. My boyfriend at the time gave me his shotgun. It remained in the back corner of a closet until we broke up and he asked me to return it.
Now, I am leaving Washington. I have bought a camper for the bed of my pick-up and plan to spend a few months, maybe years, cruising around to the many places I haven’t had time to visit during other busy travels. And, once again, people have begun asking me if I have a gun or if I am going to get one.
I have never owned a gun. I have used them for clay pigeon shooting on occasion, I have carried one as a mandatory safety precaution in polar bear country, I shot at woodchucks when I was a teenager.
How many school shootings, mass shootings, random shootings have there been this year? How many people have been killed in the U.S. this year by a gun, self-inflicted, accidental, or intended?
I’m not anti-gun. I don’t think gun control will resolve all of the insanity of our society.
I may lead a charmed life.
I choose to step into the world unarmed. I believe that adding a gun to my travel gear will not make me safer.
Rather, I believe that choosing not to carry a gun will make the world safer.
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